bocold

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the fire under the weapon dammed up the water, burned the tongue open the wave under the sand let it find way out breath, dive, drown red gums, bloody seed boil eyes, boiled sea sowed sand, lay it waste, splashed sour bitter lime, don't wait stuck time - Bocold, 19-9-19

I could taste his tears that ran like rain on windshield. The kind that searched with longing, for lonely drop after drop, to form a pool of forlorn belonging.

ecstasy was a storm cloud, just before the rain would burst into the night sky, like a thousand aquatic stars.

Love, he has abandoned me, Love, he left --unceremoniously, why must I love him still?

I've forgotten what it was like to feel the sun on my skin without worrying that it could hurt me. I've stopped throwing myself from cliffs, with my arms in the air, waiting for the splash below.

He was the sound of glass shattering --the sharp ringing in your ears

as winter gave way to summer the dust motes dancing in the sunlight blurred into pixels

and your love has left me on this island it has filled my cup up to the brink yet I grow thirsty in this silent

you once told me the wind is silent how his sound only be heard through collision last night, he cried with a violent yearning while he tore through the trees

The moon ever meant to be a satellite, kept in loving orbit, locked in hopeless inertia, destined to repeat the same pattern over and over --to meet in eclipse with the sun-- only when the numbers allowed.

for now, his face is all a blur, like a memory kept too long

ia kata kau pulang kau datang bagaimana ku sambut kau? tanya kabar kah? apa kabar? bagaimana hidupmu? cerita apa saja yang ku lewatkan? atau yang dulu tak mau kau ceritakan? bagaimana sepatumu? nyaman? bagaimana pakaianmu? kebesaran? bagaimana dengan penamu? masihkah ia menuliskan setiap cerita lukamu? ku miliki terlalu banyak pertanyaan terlalu banyak yang ku lewatkan harapku tak banyak esoknya ia kata kau tak jadi datang kau tak jadi pulang mungkin kau enggan

we share the same pain we remember the same nightmare same wound same scars and you know well that scars never fade away always leave its mark but how could you go and treat me this way? kicking me down deeper in the lake I'm begging for help on your closed ears that will never opened

모두가 같은 길로 향한다면 당신은 그 길을 선택하고 싶어질 거예요. 왜나면 그게 제일 쉬우니까 사람들이 가보지 않은 길을 선호하지 않아요 불편하고 무서우니까요. 무슨 일이 일어날 지 알 수 없고 아무것도 예상할 수 없잖아요. 박재범

볕을 모아 불씨를 만드는 돋보기처럼.. 좋아하는 이의 마음에 누구나 쉽게 불을 지필 수 있다면 좋겠지. "무슨 조화인지 갑자기 가슴이 두근, 했다" 건의 짓궃은 웃음이 진솔은 좋았다. 때로는 심술부리듯, 때로는 부드럽고 따스하게 말하는 그가, 무심한 척 잘난 척도 하지만 선한 느낌을 주는 그가 사랑스러웠다. 누군가를 사랑하기 시작할 때 나타나는 두 가지 증상을 나는 알고 있다. 하나는 그 사람은 나를 어떻게 생각할까 하는 초조한 마음과 어디에서 그런 용기가 생기는지 자꾸만 자신의 마음을 고백하고 싶어지는 충동이다. 모든 사랑이 무사할 수 없는 세상에서 우리는 무엇을 사랑이라고 확신하고, 무엇이 사랑이라고 정의내릴 수 있을까. 미소가 만국공통어라고 하는데, 사랑 공식도 만국이 공통인 것 같다. 시대와 나이를 불문하고 말이다. 심장이 먼저 사랑을 알아보고 두근거리기 시작하면 그의 마음에도 내가 있나 궁금해지고, 그의 사소한 몸짓 하나에도 정신을 잃을 지경이 되면 그가 다른 사람(이성)에게 보내는 의미 없는 웃음에도 괜히 토라져버리고, 서로 사랑한다 싶어 행복했다가도 아니다 싶으면 모든 것을 끝장내버릴 듯이 사랑을 확인하고 또 확인해야 직성이 풀리는, 혼자서 사랑을 끝냈다가 다시 시작했다가를 수없이 반복하는, 사랑의 열병. 어느 순간 설레이는 것도 귀찮고, 유효기간 뻔한 사랑에 목숨 걸일 있나 싶어 심드렁해진지 오래인데, 미치겠다. 누군가를 향해 다시 한 번 심장이 두근, 뛰어주기를, 나도 모르게 기도하게 된다.

People who feel the need to convince everyone that they are or they aren't a certain way.. BE LYING. Human tend to lie to themselves until they feel like what they've say is true. Then maybe I'm just a lie that I'm whispering to myself. - Anonymous

There was a dream where I need more time to wake up. In my dream I met another soul. He is kind. He is bright. But when I looked up deeper, I see a sorrow and I don't have the answer why. Even until the other dreams come.

my heart skip faster in the room with yellow lamp I keep thinking should I keep running? do I feel exhausted? do my soul want to stop? is still there a chance?

I'm living on floating house not knowing where to go see only uncertain things on the road no maps to hold Bocold, '19

when I die give what's left of me away to children and old me that wait to die. And if you need to cry, cry for your brother walking the street beside you. and when you need me, put your arms around anyone and give them what you need to give to me. I want to leave you something, something better than words or sounds. Look for me In the people I've known or loved, And if you cannot give me away, at least let me live on in your eyes and not your mind you can love me most by letting hands touch hands, by letting bodies touch bodies, and by letting go of children that need to be free. love doesn't die, people do. So when all that's left of me is love give me away.

It's not that I don't want to be happy. It's a despite, how hard I try I can't bring myself to be happy. I feel suffocated, embarrassed, ashamed, why did I have to be this way? I've a great family, amazing friends, good academic result, on paper everything is okay. yet all I ever seem to see is sadness and grey. It's like there's this burden on me pulling me to the ground and however hard you try you can't bring myself out. I can't bring myself to care about anything. not me, not him, not her. Living has become the constant nightmare. And it's just not fair. Society will tell me to try yoga, go for a walk, listen to meditation. I tell them that this cannot be solved by exercise or medication. It's a disease that affects every aspect of my life, my work, my relationships, my education. And to this day despite my best efforts to explain. I am always met with blind hesitation. People ask me "why are you always so sad?" I tell th...

"I was taught young how to be stone-cold, self- reliant, to hold myself high and poised, with ready smile and a subtle charm ready to conquer the world. So I learned from early on to only cry behind close doors, on dim lights, without sound to howl in pain silently, to break down without anyone knowing, and to never ask for help. Because when no one sees you suffering, do you really suffer? Much like, when a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? I can always just pretend that whatever pains me never happened, and l can always go back and face the World pretending I'm okay." cynthia go // If a tree falls in a forest

You need to remember this; human consists of 60% water. So, don't be afraid to wash unnecessary people away from your life. People who take you for granted. People who hurt you over and over again. They will just wash away. -Lala Bohang-

Does teaching always mean talking or a lecture? Yes. that's how they teach you in school. But that is not how life teaches you. Most of the time life does not talk to you. It just sort of pushes you around. Each push is life saying "Wake up. There's something I want you to learn." People do two things: Some just let life push them around. Others get angry and push back. But, they push back against their boss, job, husband or wife. They do not know it is life that pushing. A few learn the lesson and move on. They welcome life pushing them around. To those few people, it means they need and want to learn something. Most? They quit and a few fight. If you learn life's lessons, you will do well. If not, life will just continue to push. "Hey life. Hey my company. You said that you would give me more if I work for you. Well, I have. I've worked hard. I've given up my 3-4 hours of free time, my health and my anything, just to work for you but you ...

It's so cold is it the dawn wind? or an air conditioner in my room? but is the wind feel lonely? why she is so cold? is she ever get disappointed? where is the sun? I want the wind feel warm can the sun hug the wind now? but the sun still in a long way to come now still the moon turn if I beg "The moon please don't be too cold to the wind?" is he will do what I say? the wind you hold me tight with your coldness do you want me feels the same? is it too hard? and you want to share it with me? the wind should I turn on the light? I want the light accompany you in the dark at least you can feel warm a bit the wind where are you from? are you winter wind? why you come so far? it's still summer the wind do you have friend? I often see the bird, the bug, the flowers, the leaves happy with you sssstttttt.. do you ever tell them your little secret? come on tell to me too I'm curious just whisper don't let anyone know The wind sh...

"is there anyone out there, from our Blue Night family, that is crying alone tonight? Not crying out of pity for something or someone, but instead because they cannot help asking why they are living in the way that they are? is there anyone that is feeling sentimental or guilty, needlessly? Don't be like that. I hope that you believe that these bitter days of crying alone will prove to be the most beautiful days of your life. You'll realize, with time, that your life is actually pretty alright. I promise you. In fact, I'll write you a guarantee! The most beautiful thing in all the world is right now. This moment. You. Don't ever forget that." - Jonghyun's closing words on 'Blue Night' on March 11th, 2014

Q : what a busy year. After "Love Scenario" to "Killing Me". The <NEW KIDS> trilogy is now complete. You must've felt overwhelmed by producing the last album. A : Of course. Even to the repackage album. I think in this album the members' skills especially have gotten a lot better. So I didn't really have a hard time while recording. I myself didn't know that this year will be this packed with promotion. Actually before "Love Scenario" was released, I kind of had the imagination in my head. Q : During "Love Scenario" promotion, you kept saying "The energy is good". And the reactions for the song was also really good. Maybe it's some kind of producer's hunch. How about "Killing Me"? A : Rather than a hunch, I think it's a feeling. The overall energy of making musics and promoting it instead of worrying for chart results. I also felt good while making "Killing Me". The reaction...