Depression
It's not that I don't want to be happy. It's a despite, how hard I try I can't bring myself to be happy. I feel
suffocated, embarrassed, ashamed, why did I have to be this way? I've a great family, amazing friends, good academic result, on paper everything is okay. yet all I ever seem to see is sadness and grey.
It's like there's this burden on me pulling me to the ground and however hard you try you can't bring myself out. I can't bring myself to care about anything. not me, not him, not her. Living has become the constant nightmare. And it's just not fair.
Society will tell me to try yoga, go for a walk, listen to meditation. I tell them that this cannot be solved by exercise or medication. It's a disease that affects every aspect of my life, my work, my relationships, my education. And to this day despite my best efforts to explain. I am always met with blind hesitation.
People ask me "why are you always so sad?" I tell them I don't know...
what I do know is that I wake up everyday feeling like absolutely shit and that's become my norm. I'm afraid of the world, I am afraid of putting my guard down in the fear that I will be judged for something I cannot control.
Where's the fairness of it all? Do you think I like to watch myself fall? Into this hole of self hate, shame and loathe.
So I hide them and I put up a wall. That's so high, you will never see my pain or any of my flaws. I create this character and she is perfect, she's invincible.
And so I carry on live these two lives, one for the public and one just for me late at night. 'cos that's easier than admitting you have a problem. and that's the problem.
The stigma is real people. And it will not go away until we realise that mental health is a big deal. It's a hidden disease that's affecting so many lives, wake up and listen to the silent cries.
It's a kid that never speaks or the guy who's always tired. The woman who's too emotional. the guy who just got fired cos he was absent a lot. He couldn't get out of bed due to his mental health. but do you think any of his colleagues knew that? course not.
Depression is the hell inside of me
and it eats me up daily.
suffocated, embarrassed, ashamed, why did I have to be this way? I've a great family, amazing friends, good academic result, on paper everything is okay. yet all I ever seem to see is sadness and grey.
It's like there's this burden on me pulling me to the ground and however hard you try you can't bring myself out. I can't bring myself to care about anything. not me, not him, not her. Living has become the constant nightmare. And it's just not fair.
Society will tell me to try yoga, go for a walk, listen to meditation. I tell them that this cannot be solved by exercise or medication. It's a disease that affects every aspect of my life, my work, my relationships, my education. And to this day despite my best efforts to explain. I am always met with blind hesitation.
People ask me "why are you always so sad?" I tell them I don't know...
what I do know is that I wake up everyday feeling like absolutely shit and that's become my norm. I'm afraid of the world, I am afraid of putting my guard down in the fear that I will be judged for something I cannot control.
Where's the fairness of it all? Do you think I like to watch myself fall? Into this hole of self hate, shame and loathe.
So I hide them and I put up a wall. That's so high, you will never see my pain or any of my flaws. I create this character and she is perfect, she's invincible.
And so I carry on live these two lives, one for the public and one just for me late at night. 'cos that's easier than admitting you have a problem. and that's the problem.
The stigma is real people. And it will not go away until we realise that mental health is a big deal. It's a hidden disease that's affecting so many lives, wake up and listen to the silent cries.
It's a kid that never speaks or the guy who's always tired. The woman who's too emotional. the guy who just got fired cos he was absent a lot. He couldn't get out of bed due to his mental health. but do you think any of his colleagues knew that? course not.
Depression is the hell inside of me
and it eats me up daily.
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